Our Christian Conspiracy Theories

Recorded on 9/21/2017
Hosted by Britton, Nick, and Ashley

Hurricane Irma is not Hurricane Irene

We had to retract our Irene statements and replace them with Irma.

Press Conference Uses Terrible Sign Language Interpreter

A less than stellar interpreter is asked to sign a press conference. He signed many things like ‘Bear Monster’ and ‘Move that Bus!’ We also get a lesson from our own interpreter and how wrong this guy one.

September 23, the Beginning of the End

After joking around for weeks that the eclipse started the tribulation period, one group of folks now say the September 23 is going to start the beginning of the end.

Should we be throwing an End of the World Party again?

Regardless of whether anything happens, the astrology aspect is really fun to watch.  All of this leads us to ask what really is brewing with all the fires, earthquakes, hurricanes, rumors of wars,  and trumps sounding.

We also wonder if things like the Equifax breach will lead to major security issues leading to new forms of ID to keep our identity safe.  Cue the christian conspiracy theories! Regardless of eschatology, this stuff is fun to watch.

Christian Movie Throwback: A Thief in the Night Movies

Thief in the night was the first movie series about Christian prophecies. It has the quality of a grind house drive-in B-movie. With elements of horror, this is not like the shiny happy Christian movies you’ll usually find on PureFlix.

This movie series includes four movies: 


  • Thief in the Night (1972)
  • A Distant Thunder (1978)
  • Image of the Beast (1981)
  • The Prodigal Planet (1982)

Australian Church Hates Gay marriage on Church Sign

An Australian church puts up sign declaring that marriage is between a man and a woman. The backlash has been huge with people posting things on Facebook, even suggesting that people carry gasoline down to set the place on fire.

Gay Cake

While this issue is a few years old, we take on this conversation and decided that we like cake with butter creme icing.

Remember 911 a Week Late

Last week didn’t talk about 911 in a world where we say we will never forgot.

Flannel Boards!

Did you have Flannel Boards in your Sunday School class as a child? We all have a memory of the flannel board whether it was at church or in school.  This was the tool of use when you couldn’t put on a puppet show.

The flannel board consists of a board that sits on an easel and is covered in a flannel material that may have been a solid color or a scenic background.  Flannel cutout characters could be placed on the board and it would stick. Sunday school teachers used this amazing technology to illustrate bible stories every week.  It was simple, but it was visual and interactive.  If your class had a flannel board, you can easily recall Peter being placed on the board looking confused as Jesus said something brilliant. You might remember the teach adding a flannel tomb and a second piece of flannel that look like a stone.  Sometimes the teacher would let the student roll the stone away from the tomb.

This was children’s ministry before the church could afford screens in every classroom. Today a flannel board costs about twelve bucks. You can purchase characters and scenic bits cheaply too. This simple ministry tool went a long way and was customizable for the student curriculum. Compare this to what we have today: We purchased a video series with handouts and powerpoint templates. Our ministries have been moved to the big screen!

I think we are losing something here. In a culture addicted to screens, we simply offer them another screen.  Long live the flannel board!


The DACA Conversation

Listen as we try to figure out what DACA is all about.  It would be nice if we could have a law instead of an executive action for the people involved.  As it stands, a person who was brought in as a child must register every two years to have protections to stay in the country.  There is no pathway to citizenship through DACA. This is the program set up through an executive action by President Barrack Obama.

Now President Donald Trump says he’s going to end DACA in six months. He wants congress to put a bill in place that he can sign into law.  The problem is no one actually trusts his political party and administration to get this done after they could not pass laws that his own party wanted like healthcare reform.

Essentially the president is going to Trump Shame his political party into doing something, but why? His rhetoric throughout his campaign would not lead anyone to believe that he wants to help these people as much as he would like to deport them, but he said a lot of things during the campaign. He will probably try to tie this in with his plans for the wall. In essence, he will let 800,000 people under DACA stay if he can get his border wall.

So can the President get it done with an ineffective Congress?  Probably not, and in six months he’ll have to decide to whether or not to end the program and make these people who are currently protected illegal again.

Lookin’ at Cooze with Ted Cruz

CVC Podcast Recorded September 14, 2017

Hosts Britton and Nick riff on the funny and interesting stories of the past week. This week we cover Hurricane Irma and the theological opinions of Kirk Cameron, the new country music stylings of David Crowder, Ted Cruz’s dirty twitter like,  a church statement about white supremacy, The feminization of Christianity, PewDiePie’s terrible mouth.

Kirk Cameron wants us to be humble so we don’t get anymore hurricanes.

At least he didn’t blame it on gay people.  Kirk Cameron decided to make a video in an airport to talk about the coming Hurricane Irma. It turns out that God is putting is power on display to make us humble.

David Crowder Goes Country

David Crowder is an artistic favorite of ours.  He’s dabble in a lot of kinds of music. This time he goes country in this new video.

Ted Cruz’s Dirty Twitter Like

Ted Cruz’s Twitter account showed us a little bit about his (or some social media intern’s) porn habits.  Hilarity ensues.

A Church Statement About White Supremacy

Another church statement asking for signatures.  As a follow up to our talk about the Nashville Statement, we cover this new declaration and talk about the why all of these declarations asking for signatures may not be the best way to go.  Also, will thee statements be as important as the work of say Martin Luther?


The Feminization of Christianity

Has the church been formed for the needs of women more than men?

PewDiePie Drops the “N” Word

PewDiePie says the worst thing possible live on Twitch. He apologized later. We ask if this makes him a racist, or just a really big jerk.


The Nashville Statement


The Nashville Statement was released and people are angry.  The statement itself includes a preamble and fifteen articles about homosexuality and transgenderism. Each article includes a statement about what this document affirms and what it denies.

Article X states that it is sinful for any of us to show a little bit of grace to the LGBTQ+ community.  The Nashville Statement draws a line in the sand for christians that disagree with the ideas of the document, essentially saying that if you are against the writers, you are not a christian.

It is this kind of rhetoric that is destroying the Christian church. This document goes too far into our bedrooms, a sin that Christian leaders have been committing for far too long.  By drawing this line in the sand, the writers are telling the church to kick out anyone they find distasteful. While they use a graceful tone, no one can deny this outcome.

Can a statement like this help the failing church? Church attendance statistics are trending downwards. This statement will galvanize more christian leaders toward this disgraceful path.

We do not expect anyone to change their theology.  They will believe what they believe. That is not being demanded.  However, we must show love and kindness to people. Period.  This document thinks it is showing love and kindness, but instead it makes an entire group of people feel like they are less than human.

This statement will no doubt cause more reactions. There have already been several reactionary documents. What are we doing?  We are picking a side and writing our name on it.  All of these documents have a place where you can sign and show your approval.  The cynic in me wonders what they are doing with this list of names.

Trump Shaming the Christian Segregation

CVC Podcast Recorded September 7, 2017

Hosts Britton, Nick, and Ashley take on DACA, a Lakewood Church offering gone wrong, hash tag empty the pews, an all new neo-nazi test for kids!, the new white christian minority, and the shaming of pumpkin spice lovers everywhere.


What will be done about the people protected by the DACA program?  Can President Trump and the republicans pull of a replace program?

Joel Osteen take up an offering

They passed out the offering plates on Sunday right after having victims of the hurricane stand up, recognized, and then prayed for. There’s no mention of whether any of that money is being used to help these congregation members or no


This hash tag has been trending recently. I understand the frustration of today’s church, the hypocrisy that exists, and the power struggles.  But can’t the church be redeemed too?  Will it ever change if the idea people leave?

The Neo-Nazi Test, Now for Kids!

A Calgary Police department put together a list of things that might be an indicator that your child is a neo-nazi, also as it turns out we may all be neo-nazis. The Calgary Police in Canada have put out a list of things that might be an indicator that your child could be a neo-nazi. One of those things is listening to heavy rock music.

White Christians are now a minority at 46% in America

While it doesn’t bother anyone at cvcpodcast about the white part, we are concerned that so few people even claim to be a part of the Christian faith. What will Christian leaders do with this information?

Pumpkin Spice and White People Shaming

First there was pumpkin spice. Then came the memes about people who are way too excited about the pumpkin spice.  Now we have the shaming of pumpkin spice lovers and enthusiast, also known as the white girls.


Even Nashvilles Hates the Statement

CVC Podcast Recorded August 31, 2017

Hosts Britton, Jim, Nick, and Ashley take the Houston Floods and Joel Osteen’s alleged church closure, A worship parody, Marriage Counseling, Flannel boards, the Greasy Handed Preacher, The Nashville Statement, and Preacher Memes.

Joel Osteen and Lakewood church (non?) hurricane response is Houston

Joel Osteen should have opened up his church, except that it was flooded. Or was it?  What should a church do in these kind of situations?  Could Joel have done anything to make people happy? The internet has enabled people to create expectations and immediately demand results.  Can anyone live up to that?


A Worship Song Parody ranks on the Christian charts.

The singer for the band Emery wrote a worship song to satire how bad worship songs are. His parody song is outselling major worship songs.

Marriage Counseling

Can marriage counseling be useful?  How should modern Christians handle traditional gender roles, money, sex, and life?

Flannel Boards

Do you remember the Sunday School flannel boards? These were the fuzzy landscapes where people cutouts could be applied to illustrate the stories in the bible.  We miss this old teaching device. Do churches still use them?

A Greasy Handed Preacher

A shady preacher agrees to pray with a young woman about her lust.  Then he anoints her with oil… all over!

The Nashville Statement

A new statement about the LBGTQ+ community sets the internet on fire. Does this statement help anyone, or is it just a line in the sand?

Preacher Memes!

Britton notices that there is a new trend among pastors to quote themselves online. Often they use a custom graphic or meme generator and a hash tag and simply state something they said that they think is particularly brilliant.