Another Year, Better Jokes

A new year and new voices. This week Joe and Chris joint Britton, Nick, and Ashley.

Recorded 1/5/2018

  • Merry Christmas/Happy New Year you disgusting people!
  • Christmas Gifts. What did you get?
  • Oregon Gas pumping – They can’t even right now.
  • Papa John resigns as CEO bc of NFL comments
  • XFL making a comeback?
  • Why CNN doesn’t understand Fascism….because they don’t understand Thomas the Train. http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/22/health/thomas-tank-engine-paw-patrol-fascist-cartoon-strauss/index.html
  • Neutral Gender Jesus
    A Church in Sweden is referring to Jesus as Gender Neutral. In their advertising for Christmas events a Swedish church started using a pronoun called “hen” which is a gender neutral term. ‘ “We did not want to sex the little child right away,” explains daddy Susann Senter, who explains that the decision is partly due to the Church’s equal treatment program.’
  • I resolve to not participate in “self help Christianity”
  • Christian conference season for your new year!
  • Intel Chips Security Flaw
    Apparently Intel chips in computers have had a major security flaw in them…for like the past decade or more. The latest patch that has or is coming out will fix the problem…but slow down your CPU by as much as 30%. Wtf. This includes all devices that use Intel products from computers, phones, etc. It looks like a lot of this has to do with Cloud computing… which makes me glad that I hardly use any cloud technology.

    There are two issues: One called Meltdown and one called Spectre. Meltdown only affects Intel related chips while Spectre affects everyone, ever. The only real way to fix Spectre is for chipmakers to do a recall on every chip ever and rework the architecture. There are some updates but they don’t really account for the Spectre issue. It turns out that you can’t have both speed and security.

  • Logan Paul finds a dead body in the Suicide Forest and blogs with it in the video, making jokes while right next to it.  (This might not even be worth talking about but it there’s a whole conversation around it going on right now.)

 

Carman: The Phantom Marriage

Recorded on 12/21/2016

The Tax Bill passed and an honest critic would have to admit that this bill was passed in the same reckless way as the Affordable Healthcare Act.

Nazareth is canceling Christmas because of Trump.

http://www.miamiherald.com/news/nation-world/world/article189956269.html

Carman got Married

https://relevantmagazine.com/slice/congratulations-to-mr-and-mrs-carman/

What are your Christmas traditions?

Christmas music is awful and no one is making any good new Xmas Carols.

So many versions of Sleighride, White Christmas, I’ll be Home for Christmas, and Chestnuts roasting… most “holiday stations” play these on repeat with different artists

Lady Gaga tried in 2008/9 and made a dance track that is cancerous. It’s called Christmas Tree…it’s about her lady bits.

Star wars spoilers – We spoil it pretty quick so don’t stick around for the last part of the episode if you want to stay away.

 

We Got on the Weirdest Rabbit Trail

Recorded 12-12-2017, we record a few days early so we can see Star Wars: The Last Jedi on our regular recording time.  Meanwhile we get off on some wonderful rabbit trails.

Retraction: We said Danny Masterson’s charges were dropped, but according to the verge there is an investigation by the LAPD underway, but it is stalled because of scientology affiliation;

At least four women have accused Masterson of raping them in the early 2000s. Masterson has been under investigation by the Los Angeles Police Department for about a year, according to the Huffington Post, but the case has stalled, apparently in large part due to Masterson’s Scientology affiliation. The Huffington Post reports that after one of Masterson’s accusers filed a police report in 2004 saying that Masterson raped her while she was “passed out,” “the Church of Scientology intervened and submitted more than 50 affidavits from Scientologists who denied the woman’s account.”

2017 Top 3 Albums for this year.

Nick’s Picks:

  • Phinehas – Dark Flag
  • Trivium – The Sin and the Sentence
  • Unleash the Archers – Apex

Ashley:

  • Nichole Nordeman- Every Mile Mattered;
  • Ed Sheerhan- Divide
  • Taylor Swift – Reputation (pretty sure these are the only albums I’ve listened to/downloaded this year)

Britton:

  • Ben Rector: Brand New
  • Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors: Souvenir
  • Flatfoot 56: Odd Boat

 

Jesus Freak Hideout has a great page that tells us all of the Christian music released in and out of the CCM industry.
http://www.jesusfreakhideout.com/releases/

Post Malone claims Justin Beiber gave Hillsong $10 million and has become religiously culty. Hillsong denies it. http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/hillsong-church-pastor-slams-post-malone-justin-bieber-claims-w513461

The upcoming Twitter Purge: The most important parts being these:

“Violence: You may not make specific threats of violence or wish for the serious physical harm, death, or disease of an individual or group of people. This includes, but is not limited to, threatening or promoting terrorism. You also may not affiliate with organizations that — whether by their own statements or activity both on and off the platform — use or promote violence against civilians to further their causes. We will begin enforcing this rule around affiliation with such organizations on December 18, 2017.”

“Hateful imagery and display names: You may not use hateful images or symbols in your profile image or profile header. You also may not use your username, display name, or profile bio to engage in abusive behavior, such as targeted harassment or expressing hate towards a person, group, or protected category. We will begin enforcing this rule on December 18, 2017.”

I also got this email from the alternative twitter called Gab, that says this. “Twitter will be judging user behavior both on and OFF of their website. Meaning if you visit another website that they don’t like or show “support” for groups they don’t like, you can get banned.”

Verification here: https://www.theverge.com/2017/11/16/16667668/twitter-verification-removal-judge-offline-behavior

The mainstream media exposed just how much they are willing to push fake news: https://theintercept.com/2017/12/09/the-u-s-media-yesterday-suffered-its-most-humiliating-debacle-in-ages-now-refuses-all-transparency-over-what-happened/

Josh Harris admits he may have been wrong about kissing dating goodbye

https://relevantmagazine.com/video/josh-harris-gives-a-ted-talk-about-what-he-got-wrong-in-i-kissed-dating-goodbye/

Man protects his family

http://time.com/5055759/father-shoots-robber-texas-popeyes/

Trump wants to take Manifest Destiny to Mars.

Fill Up the Wax on the Back Side

This week on the show, Britton learns that the teenage vernacular has changed and he can no longer quote Daffy Duck in youth group.

Ashley makes the boys listen to the new Taylor Swift album in exchange for watching Star Wars: The Force Awakens. We also find out that Nick once wrote trashy romance novels under pseudonym.

We ponder the nature of the Force is Star Wars. What is light, what is dark, what is gray. This is where we wax theological.

More TV shows are ruined by actors not keeping their hands to themselves.  Danny Masterson is no longer on The Ranch. Although allegations where investigated years ago, the stories have come back up and Netflix sent Masterson packing.

Trump moved the capital of Israel?  Not exactly. The media is stating this stuff completely wrong.

Will all the history of false allegations among these true accusations make interacting with people and thing of the past in the near future?

We saw a Christian Alexa, but didn’t realize it was a joke until later.

Do we a Christian litmus test to tell us right from wrong? Do we need a Christian alternative to everything?

Gay Cake is back in the news.  Where is the difference between religious service, political position, and public duty? Kim Davis is going to face reelection competition from a man that she refuse to give a marriage certificate.

Side Note: Singing is like talking in cursive.

Baby its cold outside has been cast as a creepy song for the last few years. Has the internet ruined this song because they didn’t understand the original context?  How does this same notion apply to the Bible?

Ashley and Nick have never seen the Christmas Story.

We also have to take time to explain the Star Wars Holiday Special.

 

 

Look What Louis Made Me Do

We come back to the mics after a week off from the Thanksgiving holiday. Of course we have had more unsettling news about Hollywood, Media, and Political personalities accused of naughty things.  Ashley also breaks down the new Taylor Swift album, and makes a deal with Nick and Britton to make them listen to it. Also Louis CK broke our heart, we have no feelings about Matt Lauer. We take on net neutrality and decide the internet will eventually be ruined one way or the other.  And get ready for Star Wars, and why the movies are like the Bible.

Recorded on 11/30/2017 in front of a live studio audience.

Hosted By Britton, Ashley, and Nick.

Franken vs Moore: The Squeeze Off!

This week on the show, we attempt to sort out this Hollywood mess as it leaks into Washington, DC.

 

Is it time to boycott Hollywood?

Everyone has either been assault or accused of assaulting someone.  Is it time to pull the plug and go outside for some air?

Or should we boycott the media who just can’t be happy? Seriously, they are never happy. We suspect it is because they expect Hollywood’s latest to change their life, but it is just a movie.

Do the media believe that they are judge and jury?

Speaking of Judges… Hollywood is leaking.

Roy Moore is accused of some horrendous things, so of course some republicans try to pull story out of the Bible, out of context, and completely full of errors.

Lawmakers unveil #metoo congress bill to overhaul sexual harassment policies.

http://thehill.com/homenews/house/360489-lawmakers-unveil-me-too-congress-bill-to-overhaul-sexual-harassment-policies

Al Franken for president, but first this picture!

Fake News Train Keeps on a rollin’. This one talks about weiners.

https://www.facebook.com/TheRealMikeRowe/posts/1719456794731123

Nick is done with the Walking Dead.

Positive, Encouraging CVC

No Shave November,  The Texas Shooting, Billy Graham is 99, an Exorcism gone wrong, New Christian Rock, Puff Daddy Love, an unlikely candidate for president in Russia, and the sermon with weak sauce, all on this week’s episode of CVC.

Recorded November 9, 2017.
Hosted by Britton, Ashley, and Nick 

No Shave November

We are participating in No Shave November by default.  Nick hasn’t shaved in ten years, and Britton doesn’t care for his chin.

Texas Church Shooting

Twenty-Six dead and twenty more injured. The latestabout the event is that they are going to demolish the church because it’s too stark of a reminder of the events that happened. The pastor wants to turn it into a memorial to the people lost and he has hopes of building a new church on a plot of land that the church owns.

Billy Graham is 99

Graham is America’s pastor. He has managed to have a ministry last for decades without major scandals.  What can we learn from Graham’s style of ministry.

I Revoke You Demons

A Jail nurse accused of performing exorcism on inmate. The inmate eventually died. If only she knew that you had to rebuke demons instead of revoking them.

 

Help us find new Christian music!

Britton blames worship music for the fall of Christian music. Also, Casting Crowns is mom rock.

I don’t want to pile insults on Worship or CCM or KLOVE. That’s the easy criticism and has honestly been done by a lot of malcontents for laughs.  That stuff works for the people it works for,  but some of us of have some different preferences and tastes.

 

Other funny stories of the week

An Adult Film Star Runs for President of Russia
Her new policies are terrifying. You can read them here: http://www.breitbart.com/national-security/2017/11/03/porn-star-will-run-putin-wants-death-penalty-sexual-harassment-weinstein/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social

Puff Daddy, PDiddy, Sean Puffy Combs is now Love.

Sunday Sermons that don’t go deep

Ashley has often called most preaching surface level (correctly). Should preaching be more like a movie, or tv show with a season arc? Most of the time we get the trailer instead of the movie…

Spacey’s Stranger Thing

This week we talk about Soft Blur and the dangerous effects for your online brand, 500 year of Luther nailing things to walks, we try out the Amazon spy machine and love it, try to figure out what Kevin Spacey has been doing to cast mates, House of Cards ending, and Stranger things.

Recorded November 2, 2017.

Hosted by Britton, Nick, and Ashley.

 

A public service announcement for adults.

Soft Blur.. Seriously stop it.  I just saw a parent post their kids picture – covered in motion blur.  Historians will look back and think we wore a protective plastic coating.

Martin Luther, 500 years later.

500 years after Martin Luther’s 95 theses, I’m still pro nailing things onto doors.

My 1984 machine

Britton buys an echo dot, inviting an open mic into his home at all times.  He loves it.

Spacey is a bad man, allegedly

Kevin Spacey has been accused of making sexual advances towards Anthony Rapp when he was 14. Spacey has come out as gay in his statement about the situation: https://twitter.com/KevinSpacey/status/924848412842971136

As of recording six men have accused Kevin Spacey.

The Future of House of Cards
Netflix has cancelled House of Cards. Season 6 will be the last one. Although Netflix says that it’s not because of the allegations. According to them, Season 6 was always going to be the end.
http://tvline.com/2017/10/30/house-of-cards-ending-cancelled-season-6-kevin-spacey/

Homelessness and Violence

Local church suspends feeding homeless because of violence. How do Christians do ministry while also keeping their ministry workers and patrons safe? (Should that even be a concern?)

https://www.wvgazettemail.com/news/kanawha_county/charleston-church-suspends-meal-service-following-violent-incidents/article_838f7801-b856-58e1-9198-342a9000a878.html

While on the opposite end of the homeless spectrum, you’ve got this SC pastor who put up a sign that said “Work harder, millions on welfare are depending on you.” And “the Bible promises no loaves to the loafer”

https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/south-carolina/articles/2017-10-30/pastor-apologizes-for-sign-criticizing-welfare-recipients

Stranger Things 2

Spoilers ahead! We discuss what we love about the new season of Stranger things.

You Don’t Have to Live Like This

This week we talk about the baker who won’t make gay or satanic cake, former President Cop-a-Feel, the JFK files, Corey Feldman’s personal quest, more #metoo, Taylor Swift tragedy call out, modern dating, Christian music nostalgia, and the fat coach the reminds of Rob Bell.

Gay cake continues. A Colorado baker is asked to bake a cake to celebrate Lucifer’s birthday.

Former President George H.W. Bush has been accused of touching the ladies. He say’s he’s David Cop a Feel. We have no defense for the president, but this isn’t as Weinstein like as some people are acting.

New JFK files are out. And people are losing their minds. Does anyone think we are going to have Bay of Pigs 2?

Corey Feldman is going to fight the Hollywood child prostitution rings. Why hasn’t anyone talked about him and his buddy Michael Jackson?

The problem with #metoo is it is so hard to prove and the cards are stacked against the victims. Case in point, Cosby’s accuser tried to prosecute when the event happened and the people in power wouldn’t touch it.

Taylor Swifts calls out the tragedy one uppers. Also Ashley says T-Swizzle.

Modern non-dating and why Snapchat can’t replace take a date to dinner.

Christian Contemporary artist is now a life coach. Also, you need to listen to Carman to understand Christian music of the 80s and 90s.

This leads to a conversation about 80s and 90s Christian music.

Also, where is the Power Team now?

Briton got a fat coach, and had a Rob Bell moment.

Gimmick Prophecy and Package Enlargments

Bethel’s Prophecy School, Jesus Culture Music, The church practice of ‘reading your mail,’ judgment houses, Hollywood implosions, male organ enlargement by prayer, #metoo, Jim Bakker makes a threat, and God’s Not three all on this episode of the cvcPodcast.

Recorded Thursday, October 19, 2017.
Hosted By Britton, Nick, and Ashley.

Bethel Prophecy School

Bethel has been slowly taking over a small town with a prophecy school.  How much of this is biblical and what is the motivation behind it? Is it money or do the organizers believe they are training people properly to work in the gifts of the spirit.

Also Jesus Culture may be the most influential worship sound out right now.
Aside: Nick recommends August Burn’s Red new album

The Pentecostal practice of reading your mail.

Do they still do this: Judgement Houses!

We ask if you still do it, and can scaring someone out of hell actually work?

Hollywood ratings and implosions.

Hollywood movie sales are down because of producer dabbling. Can auteur style film break out anymore? Also the recent allegations of sexual abuse in the industry isn’t helping anything.

Male organ enlargement by the power of prayer

A pastor from Ghana claims he can heal the male package from smallness with a grab, prayer and shake. 

We have to talk about #metoo

Ashley shares a couple of stories about what she’s had to deal with. And we try to find a clear cultural definition for harassment.

Jim Bakker is going to threaten us all.

Jim Bakker went on a rant against his detractors this week threatening judgement.  We try to help Bakker understand why people may not trust what he has to say.

God’s Not Dead 3

This movie is happening, but we feel like the whole premise is based on straw man arguments. We’ll still watch.

Christian Dating in a age of introverted tech goons.

Dating Tips for a generations of people who don’t date.